10/23/2023

Getting back to the motions of being in college is hard...

It's really just so... weird, to see all my friends moving on with their lives: graduating and getting licensed, having relationships, getting jobs and living the adult lifestyle. Meanwhile I'm still here, studying for exams, still dependent on my parents, having both too much and too little free time to go wherever I want to.

But it isn't even like I didn't have a glimpse of being an adult, within the year I stopped school, I got a job, then immediately quit it as soon as I got accepted at school again. Looking back, I probably should've tried to keep the job, but at the same time, the low pay wasn't worth wrecking my mind and sleep schedule over. Being at customer service is fucked.

I'll manage. I guess. I wish.

On another note, looking forward to HoYoFEST coming up soon! From what I'm seeing on other social media, the venue is doing... not that good. It's a HoYoverse event mind you, with how popular Genshin and HSR has been recently here, did the organizers not forsee the big crowd at all? Hopefully on the day we attend, there's not much of a crowd though, I do wanna get the free stickers 🥺

Also yeah I'm still going, 'cause there's a big chance that I'll be meeting an online friend of 6 years for the first time ever, fingers crossed 🤞 I'm planning on making her a simple letter and a drawing as a memorabillia or something, and I hope I pull it off plsplsplspls

10/20/2023

WARNING FOR FAMILY DRAMA AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Also I'll probably correct some mistakes later when I wake up... Ugh...

So... Let me start off with an explanation.

In case you stumbled upon this page before reading my About page, then hello! I'm a Filipino born and raised in the Philippines. And just like any other Asian family, we give a BIG emphasis to our family bonds. Yes, even if you're my father's mother's grandma's aunt's niece's great grandson in the knees or whatever*, you're still part of the family. Yes, even if we've only met this one time at another relative's wedding or funeral or when , whatever occassion, you name it. In terms of social connections, this can work in your favor, especially if your family's a good one.

I guess. I don't know. I can't really say so for mine.

Anyway, that's the context for this, now onto the actual story.

My maternal grandmother (who i'll call Lola** from now on) left the family when Mom and her siblings were still young. She left no traces behind, nor any messages on where she went. No one knew why she left either.

Cut to a year ago. No one explained it to me, but Mom somehow got some information about Lola: whov her new family was, where she lived, and where to contact her. She was given a phone number and a Facebook profile page to confirm if it was indeed her. And it was. Or so Mom thought.

So she, along with her brother, went on and tried to call the number. The other line picked up, but the voice denied that someone who had Lola's identity lived there. That it was a wrong number. But Mom believed that it was her, that it was the voice in her memories back in her childhood.

A few months after, Lola's sister said that she got into contact with her. She told Mom that Lola didn't want anything to do with Mom's family ever again, that she was already happy with her new life, and that they shouldn't contact her anymore. Mom never really expressed how she felt through this, but it was really painful to hear. Even I would have a hard time to come to terms with that.

Which brings me to last night.

I woke up from a nap and did my nightly routine: buying dinner, cleaning up dishes, stuff like that. I then noticed Mom hasn't arrived, so I went to ask Dad.

"Oh, she went to see her mom," he whispered to me. "But don't tell any of our other relatives here, no one knows about it"

I was a bit shocked, but got through it quite quickly. I just hoped that it went well, what I only knew about Lola was that she was a pretty headstrong woman, so I won't be surprised if they ended up fighting or whatever.

This morning, Mom told us about what happened the night before.

They deliberately didn't tell anyone about their meetup because of some trust issues regarding to some relatives. We'll get to that.

To summarize it, their meeting went well. The both of them were able to talk to each other properly after decades of not seeing each other. They told each other about their lives, on what they missed out, of how much they've wanted to see each other again, of their plans to have another meetup soon.

Notice how positive their interaction was? Well... turns out that Lola's sister lied.

Not only did the sister have contact with her before the phone call happened, but she also lied about the current state of our family. She told Lola that Mom didn't want anything to do with her anymore, that they've given up on looking for her, that we are all addicted to drugs and have gone to jail once and are gonna die before even seeing each other again.

In reality, Lola was looking forward to another phone call. She wanted and waited to be found again, to say sorry about waht she said earlier.

How fucking dare she sabotage this? For what reason did she have to try and ruin their relationship? She knew about how much Mom and her siblings wanted to see her again. The fucking audacity of this woman, I swear. No wonder why none of our other families want to take her in. I was right to mistrust her the moment she stepped inside our house, and I am mad on my Mom's behalf.

I don't know how to end this entry, but for now, I just want to say this. Cherish the moments you have with the people you love. Do not let people who enjoy seeing the downfall of others be the reason for your relationships to be destroyed.

That's all for now.

Notes: I like overexplaining stuff, so I made a small glossary. These terms are from Tagalog, which is my mother tongue. The Philippines is quite diverse, so terms might be different from other Filipino languages.

* The grandchild in the knees is a real term in Filipino culture (apo sa tuhod). It means great-grandchild. I don't know why they used body parts, though.

** Filipino term for grandmother. Lolo is the male equivalent.

10/18/2023

ALLERGIES ARE THE WORST AAAAAAAAAA

Why oh WHY did my mom decide that it was a good idea to give our puppy a haircut in the middle of the living room?! And worst of all, I had to clean up afterwards! Which is not a bad thing, 'cause I'm the only one who's at home most of the time anyway, but damn, at least remember that I have bad reactions to certain things!!! ;_;

But at least our pup looks a bit cuter now, so that worked well I guess <3

On another note, I made pickles for the first time in months! Or at least that's what I think it's called. It's sliced cucumbers submerged in a mixture of vinegar, sugar, salt, and black pepper. I'd add some MSG for the ~flavor~, but we had none, so this will do. And I would've kept the skin for the extra crunch, but I had to share, so it's also a bit mushy, but I'll do that next time >:)

I still don't know if they're called pickles though, but I probably don't have to think about it anymore because my family demolished it before it even started the pickling process X'D But I'm okay with it though, they've always liked how I season the vinegar, so that's a win for me :)

Oh fuck I forgot that we had gochugaru, I should've added them in! But maybe next time...

Also Wriothesley's banner is out! But unfortunately I don't have the primogems to pull him, so I'll have to wait until his rerun. Probably. I've said the same for Ayato, but Neuvilette replaced him as the Hydro man in my heart </3 CAN YOU BLAME ME THOUGH Neuvi's so cute and gentle and I'll listen to him telling me stories about his life before bedtime ;_;

My nose is still itchy though, if anyone can ship me antihistamines, that would be nice heart heart

10/17/2023

*radio static noises* Testing testing! Is this on?

Hello! This is me testing out if this part of the site's working well! Hopefully by the time I check, it looks good enough... :')

Uhh I'm honestly very bad at keeping a diary, I just thought it'd be nice to have one. I've kept diaries in the past, but as I grew older well... Maybe it's all just my mindset, but putting my thoughts into words makes me cringe a lot it's awful! I'm not even like this when it comes to making art or songs, so why is this any different?

The mind works in mysterious ways indeed...

Anyway, this is just me testing the waters for now. Maybe I'll get the hang of this thing soon. But for now, I'll probably go to bed. Or maybe play Genshin for a bit, i haven't done any commissions yet...

LMAO as soon as I was about to exit the page, I suddenly thought about writing my day X'D

To be fair, it wasn't really a special day. I paid some bills then went to class afterward. We were supposed to have face-to-face classes, but there was a strike going on, so our college decided to turn all classes we had to online meetings. And here I thought I'd finally be able to get out often when I resume my studies...

But I do understand their decision. I personally live about 2 hours away from school, so I'd have to wake up 3 hours to account for prep time and traffic. I also understand why the strike's taking place, the government do be making shit decisions that don't affect them. There's a reason why everyone's clowning on them and yet somehow they're not noticing it at all, the lack of self-awareness is real *facepalm*

Okay I'm running out of words, and I really wanna play Genshin now, so maybe I'll update later? Hopefully? This has been fun so far, so I hope this momentum continues *prayge*

OKAY THIS IS THE LAST I SWEAR BUT I JUST WATCHED WRIOTHESLEY'S TRAILER

If cryo why hot

That is all